By Kyah Joseph
It’s the fact that I never stopped to think about where my money was going in the summer of 2020.
I was so traumatized by the videos of Black people being brutalized and killed on my Twitter timeline at every waking hour and second. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I scrolled, I just saw so much sadness and death and that was the first time in my life that I felt real fear to be Black in America.
My Black Twitter mutuals were in distress. I had to say “goodbye :(“ “i understand why you’re leaving” “take all the time you need <3” so many times that summer because everyone was leaving. They couldn’t stand to see people that looked like them being killed for no reason. And I completely understood.
There were days where I just cried. I sat in my room in silence and just cried until the tears ran out. I cried for the George Floyds and the Trayvon Martins and the Sandra Blands and the Emmett Tills. I cried for the Darnella Fraziers who had to witness these murders and had to record them to prove that the Black person did nothing wrong. I cried for mothers, fathers, aunts, nephews, partners, and children.
I wanted to get off Twitter. During this resurgence of Black Lives Matter, there came a resurgence of white supremacy, All Lives Matter, so much racism. It’s painful thinking back on everything I saw. I knew there were people in the world that didn’t like Black people, but when you’re hit with it all at once with multiple tweets going viral?
I couldn’t turn to my (at the time) majority white friends. I knew they wouldn’t get it. But luckily, I was in a Twitter group chat with just Black people and we mourned together. We consoled each other and gave each other the time to grieve and process.
And if I didn’t have that group chat with me, I don’t think I would have survived the summer of 2020.
But let’s get back to the money.
I donated to…I don’t even know. And yes, that’s irresponsible, but I felt so helpless. I didn’t know what else to do and donating to Black Lives Matter was the only thing that seemed reasonable to me. All my mutuals were doing it, I had to too.
But what is Black Lives Matter?
It’s an organization made to raise awareness on the injustices Black people face and to work towards liberation.
I want to make it clear that the BLM organization and the phrase are two completely separate things. The phrase is used as a reminder that our lives matter. Our successes, hardships, and stories. They matter just as much as anyone else’s.
The organization is just a piece of shit.
In the tweet I referenced above, I looked at the replies to see if anyone had the slightest idea where our money went and there was no clear answer. From what I read, our money was allegedly used to buy mansions and cars and vacation homes. Our money was being used to make the rich even richer.
So you steal the phrase meant to highlight the importance of Black people and then you steal from Black people.
No matter who you are, absolute power corrupts absolutely and it is a damn shame to know that this has happened.
It’s been two years and nothing has changed and while I thought we could at least raise money and help some Black people out, even that couldn’t happen.
So while we sit here and say “Black Lives Matter” I have to stop and think to myself.
Do they?
White Noise Zine 