just nothing and everything

By tiredartistt

“i don’t think i ever used to understand anything

but you taught me life

in the rawest way

your hands, they held me close

i wish that i could keep them

but they’re not mine

the paradoxes of who we were

so close, and still

we arrived here

mistakes piled

and while you loved

i shriveled

there is a crossroads i am at

a question of where myself went

face unrecognizable and dull

so changed and so much older

in the best and in the worst of ways

i couldn’t keep it together,

couldn’t love,

and for that i know that i am empty

undeserving

you can argue all you want

but i will bury myself in this hole

cover myself in dirt and worms

the soil will make me new again

again”